Dear Abby: My selfish parents won’t help with their grandchildren

Dear ABBY: My husband and I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. Before her birth, my parents and all of his were eagerly awaiting her arrival and discussing their plans for what life would be like as new grandparents. We just “knew” they would be so involved it would drive us crazy. Instead, it’s the opposite!

My parents work 40+ hour weeks and take care of my 5-year-old half-brother who was recently diagnosed with autism. Of course, I have to cut them down a bit. His parents, on the other hand, are not passionate about work. They spend their time doing things like spending a few weeks at the lake, taking scuba lessons, and participating in a quilt club. They tell us about their fun, then ask how our daughter is doing. (They haven’t seen him in weeks.)

I know that the role of the grandfather has changed. They are enjoying the freedom from raising children. However, they are not free childcare for me. They are mine familyand I wanted to see all the plans they had for him before he was born come to fruition.

I’m writing this because my parents have just announced that they won’t be able to take off work for her birthday party. They knew it was coming, and I know it was possible for them to plan a job around the party. I am heartbroken.

I feel like we are raising our daughter all by ourselves, without any help from family. I am angry that they are losing this wonderful little person and consider other things more important than their grandson. Do I have too high a standard for them? Is it wrong for me to be upset about this? – ILLINOIS ONLY

ONLY DEAR: Feelings are neither right nor wrong. I won’t judge you for having them. But ask yourself if your anger is helpful or a detriment to your relationship with your parents and in-laws. Your parents are caring for a disabled child in addition to their full-time job. Taking offense to not attending a 2-year-old’s birthday party is a waste of your energy.

Your in-laws, no matter what they said during the pregnancy, seem to be more focused on themselves than their grandson. For pity? yes. But instead of dwelling on it, accept it for what it is and move on.

Dear ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He made a decision to go on a diet and give up sweets. However, I have noticed that my chocolates are gone. We live alone and I’m not sure if I should call him to help hold him accountable or stay quiet to keep the peace. — THE WOMAN WITH A GOOD SINGING

DEAR WOMAN: OK, so your husband took the pledge and it seems to have expired. My question is, is he still losing weight, or has he hit a plateau? If he is losing – albeit more slowly, look the other way. If he isn’t, then comment “casually” (with a smile) that your chocolates seem to be disappearing faster than you can consume them, but DO NOT act as the food police.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.